Halton Cray (Shadows of the World #1) by N.B. Roberts

” I made my decision, but it’s a constant battle inside just to accept it. My mind is shouting at my heart to let go. But how can I if I don’t really want to? Am I holding on without accepting that I am? If so, I’m prolonging my own suffering against my conscious will and better judgement. Yet what can I do about it? Why does the mind set up against its own self? How do we lack the control? Am I not after all the operator of this mind as I am the body? Am I just the instructor, where instructions can be ignored? Worse, I am a passenger who sits in the backseat and complains along the way!

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